The Queen & Her Brothers

The more I read Preparing To Be a Help Meet, the more I am amazed.

For one, it has drastically improved my view of my brothers.

The book talks about 3 different kinds of men: the visionary, the steady, and the command man. I have known about the three types of men for a while, since my mother read Created to Be His Help Meet, but the way Debbie Pearl puts in in this book really helps me know how I can best serve each type of man.

The visionary type men need someone with feet on the ground and a listening ear. The steady type men need someone who is accomplished and somewhat bossy. And the Command men need a queen who will first and foremost serve them no matter what.

My brother, Buster, is very much a Mr. Command. He wants to be served hand-and-foot, he wants to tell everyone who, what, how, and where. The advice that Debbie Pearl gives to girls who may get married to or are married to a Mr. Command is helping me to understand, respect, and reverence my brother, Buster.

I mean, how can I expect my brothers to grow up into respectable men if I do not first show them respect and treat them like growing men?

Believe me: it’s hard for me as the older sister and the eldest child of the family.

Kris and I have this little thing that we say just for fun “We used to have a lot of fun and a lot of nice things…and then we had little brothers.” Although it is just for fun, it does show, in a way, my view of my brothers (ouch). I see them as babies that constantly need attention and tending to, as children that need correction and help. They don’t see my stuff as important, they say and do very strange things, and they seem totally unable to clean up after themselves. In other words, they are miniature sized men. And because they are miniature size, I see them as babies that need tending, but then they start to annoy me with their opinions and erratic behaviors (both of which babies don’t really have), and their little foreign obsessions confuse and irritate me, and then I come unglued, the world falls apart, and everything melts away into dust and ashes in bright pretty colors…

However, my attitude has been changing, and Preparing to be a Help Meet is helping to speed the process up. It really amazes me how much it has helped change my view and attitude toward my brothers.

The other thing that came to my attention was a certain worldview that Debbie Pearl strives to show in this book: when girl meets guy, the girl should not be asking herself “Would he be a good husband for me?” she should be asking “Would I be good for him?”

To be honest, when I came across this in the book, I was relieved. I was relieved to know that I have been doing SOMETHING right when it comes to men.

Though I vehemently aspire to be an old maid (just cause it makes things so much simpler in life), any time a young man approaches me with a show of affection I ask myself “Would I, as a wife, make him happy or miserable? Would I be able to help him achieve success in his life? Or would I drag him down and push him around? Would I effectively serve him and bring him honor? Or would I be an “old ball N’ chain” in his life?”

So far, obviously, all of the answers have been “I would make that dude flat out miserable. Over time we’d come to hate each other. I’d be a disappointment or an abhorrent to him. If I didn’t drive him to drink, he’d commit suicide!... and he doesn’t have enough life insurance to make his possible suicide worth it…”

All joking aside: I don’t care how much the young man insists he loves me, or tells me that I would make him happy, or that everything would work out in the end. If I don’t think I will fit into his lifestyle or be a help to him, I ain’t gonna budge! It is not because I think myself too good for a man: I just know that I would NOT serve him well and make him happy.

Sadly, this has made 2 fellows mad at me, but too bad. They just don’t realize how much happier they are without me.
I am glad to know that I have been doing it the right way.

One other thing that I learned from the book, which is not really a life changing thing, but is kind of cool to find out: there are 3 types of gals. There is the Dreamer gal, Servant gal, and Go-to gal (like the visionary, steady, and command man).

The Dreamer gal is the one who dances through life with her head in the clouds. She has lots of projects that she wants or has started to do and she loves to create and design.

The Servant gal is the one who is kind and considerate, helping anyone do anything. She tends to do things for people instead of letting people do it for themselves, and she will get so wrapped up in helping people that she gets hidden from the world. My sister, Kris, is a servant gal. The only person she doesn’t serve is me, and that took years for her to learn.

The Go-to gal is confident, opinionated, strong, and capable, and does well organizing people… or, in other words, bossing them around… for a purpose of accomplishing a goal. She is the queen.

When I was going through this part of the book, I genuinely became confused on which I was. So I brought it to my mom…and she got confused too. So, we read through it, started talking about it, and decided that I am a Go-to gal with a little Dreamer gal in there, which explains why I don’t get along as well with some people - Command Men in particular.

Anyway, it was interesting to me. I don't know if it is that interesting to you, but it was interesting to me.

OH! And another random note: I helped my sister, Kris, set up a website for her hobby breeding business. Please take a look at it! We are both pretty proud of it: Golden Retriever Street