Transmission to Mars

So, I was browsing through my 'blog folder' in my documents when I ran across a title that caught my interest: 'Transmission to Mars'

At first I was like "What on earth? I don't remember that." But as I clicked into it and started to read it, I began to remember what it was about.

So, I edited it, spruced it up a bit and decided I would post it. Enjoy!

Transmission to Mars: Star Date 'ziggy doop wap': transmission from Igwee - assigned to mission on Earth.

Space: the last frontier. It is so vast, all beings wonder what it holds. However, it in itself is not the most complex thing to behold. One of the most complex organisms I have ever run across in this wide universe is Human Beings: the terribly interesting and dramatic creatures that cover a portion of Earth's surface. They walk on two legs (most of the time) and each one has a completely different thought process from the other.

There is always some sort of drama in their life. Whether if be a friend that they think has betrayed them, a relative died, the Government went broke, or the cat (an unintelligent life form) expired.

They are very social creatures, though many of them deny it. They continue a social life with friends, family, dip wads, snort faces, and worst of all, politicians. They work with people, they shop with people, they buy from people, they sell to people, they walk with people, and they talk to people (talking and communicating, however, are two completely different things with humans). Yet, as they do all these things and more with their own kind, the other is never good enough for the one, and the one is always doing something wrong to the other. I have found that, usually, when a particular human aggravates another, it is because the one has something that the other wants, or human #1 does something that human #2 knows they should do (but don't), or it is because that other human acts exactly like them, and they cant stand seeing a mirror image of themselves.

In short, they tend to be very self righteous, selfish creatures.

Humans also WAY overuse excuses. They have an excuse for everything that they do wrong. They usually blame others for their actions, or they have some sort of 'good reason' for what they did. And it is amazing the things that they blame their problems on: an animal, some injury, their health, their friend(s), their family, their education, the way the day has gone, the time of the month, etc.

“Well, I can't. My knee hurts....and my elbow hurts too....”

“The cat did it!”

“Well, my friend's did it....first....and uhhh...they kind of made me do it.”

“My parents are college drop outs. That's why!”

“I had a hard life as a child. That's why I am the way I am.”

“I don't have time. I have to play this game first.”

“I don't have the money. I just bought a DS, an Acer laptop, and an Apple I-phone last week.”

“Well, people are what irritate me! They are so stupid! That is why I am irritated!”

Those above are just a few of the sad excuses of humans. They rarely take the great responsibility of taking the blame themselves. And then they wonder why people don't trust them. They wonder why they do not have friends. However, this is only one way of many ways for them to loose trust and to loose friends.

Most humans are afraid of face-to-face confrontation. They are afraid of what to say, how to react, and that they will get 'creamed'. Who would blame them? Usually the ones who are afraid of face-to-face confrontation have a good reason to be afraid: they know they will loose. So they have invented these amazing things called Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, Etc. for confrontation and an easy way to pass around gossip, as well as finding a mate. They never have to face anyone. They carry out their problems over the World Wide Web.

On that note: humans are very inventive. They have invented many amazing things, even though their average life span is only 6 zeeons. And they are always finding new ways to improve their technology and then they use it for the most idiotic of ways. Like Farmville...

Humans can also be excessive complainers about....well, everything. They always complain about how nothing works right. They complain about their computer contracting a virus, the day being lousy, the weather being too wet, too dry, too cold, too hot.... their cell phone not having service, a bodily function not working right, their Bluetooth aching, how much they dislike everyone else in the world, their MP3 player not playing, and any other problem they can find about their world.

Humans also like to believe they are in control. They seriously have melt downs if they feel like things are out of their control.

They also love food. Particularly sweet food.

They have an abundance of water. Their planet is 2/3 water, but they would rather drink High Fructose Corn Syrup and poisonous Aspartame in their Diet Soda.

They believe in saving their planet from themselves... but they have no clue what on earth they are talking about. All they know is that they think they are doing something important.

So, as a conclusion to this transmission, I think this is a fine planet to send our mentally retarded to for the time being. They will fit right in.

Oh! And by the way, humans call us 'Martians' and think we are distorted, hideous creatures. How repulsive is that?! A MARTIAN! How insulting! Of course, they don't understand what they are saying by calling us martians... but if they did understand, they would certainly stop.

END TRANSMISSION