Well, as everyone knows, the fourth movie in the Twilight Saga (Breaking Dawn Part 1) was in theaters not too long ago. Hoo-sah... yay... go break a leg.Kris and I talked about going to the theater to see it, just to say "OOh! We went to see the new Twilight movie! We are so BAD." Because, us innocent home-teached girls don't watch movies like that and we would be considered bad if we did go watch a Twilight movie AT THE THEATER. ;-) GASP!
Anyway, in the naughty-ness of out hearts, we decided to go see it at the theater just for fun (it has been over a year since I've been to a theater...)
Okay. Before I go on and tell you my thoughts about the movie, I want to be up front about my feelings toward Twilight in general: I am not a big fan. If anything, I'm a Twilight hater.
My sister is kind of in the middle. She thinks the story is a sweet story. I'm just along on the ride to give her someone to talk to about it and to make sure that she doesn't go hunting for a vampire like Edward to elope with. YUCK!
Anyway, those movies annoy me. Vampires annoy me. They suck... literally.
Yeah...moving on...
So, my thoughts on the Twilight movies:
The first movie (Twilight) was boring... almost corny. There is intrigue as Bella finds out about the vampires, but the vampire that loves her can barely keep from biting her because her blood smells so good to him, and she on the other hand is almost begging him to bite her by the end of the movie. It's like "Please Eddy!! BIIIITE MEEEEE!!" BLAAAAAH!
The second movie (New Moon) was retarded. Throughout the whole thing Bella is putting herself in dangerous positions and almost trying to get herself killed because Edward and his family moved away and that is the only way she can see him...like he is her conscience...and she can't get a life without him. (If I had been one of her friends, I would have slapped her until she came to reality, or until Edward came to her rescue IN PERSON! Then i would not have had to hear her whining all through the movie! It's like "Gosh Bella! Shut up with the Eddy thing already! I'm trying to watch a movie, OKAY?") As Bella is being a retard, she is growing attached to Jacob (DRROOOLL!!) who becomes a werewolf (more DROOL! What can I say? I have this thing for wolves). The only part I like about the whole movie is the werewolves. Werewolves have always fascinated me...they fascinated me LONG before Twilight...
The third movie (Eclipse) was better. It had more action and more werewolves. It had fighting between the vampires and the werewolves. Bella was a two-timing little twit. Edward almost died. It was awesome...nothing personal against that particular actor, just the character that he played.
And now, the FOURTH movie: Breaking Dawn Part 1
Well, much to I and my sister's utter stupidity, we went to the theater, paid $5 a ticket, bought popcorn and drinks, and watched the WHOLE... FREAKING... MOVIE.......................... and then threw up in the parking lot.
Not really, but the movie was almost that bad. Okay...no... it WAS that bad.
Bella and Edward get married, right? Okay so then, the next thirty minutes is sex education... literally in the flesh.
It was disgusting!!!!!! I watch bulls, birds, billy goats, and stud dogs do this stuff all the time, but I do NOT need to see a freaking vampire and a two-timing hussy do this.
TMI, TMS, TMV (To Much Vampire)
What was really sad is that there was a whole row of little girls ages 4 to 12 sitting in front of me who were watching!!!! I am sitting there going "HELLO?? Excuse me????"
Well, after the humping vampire part of the movie got done, then Bella got pregnant... like super fast. It is a really bad pregnancy. The birth of the baby is even worse.
BLOOD, GORE, SCREAMING, YELLING, and more blood follows this pregnancy.
Now generally, I like blood and gore. Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you that I prefer to watch R rated movies over PG13 because of the more 'life-like' battles that include, but are not limited to: sawing of human limbs, multiple stabbings, bullet wounds (unless they're larger caliber bullets, then they just make the bad guy explode into one bloody mess), throat slit, grenade explosions, monsters eating someone from the inside out, and good old fashion Indian scalping.
So it was not the blood and gore in this movie that bothered me, but it was how they did it.
Basically, Edward had to eat Bella's stomach to get the baby out of her. That was stupid, not to mention gross in the way they did it.
"Oh gosh Bella. The little tike ain't coming out. Oh yeah, and your back is broken, so you can't push it out either. So I am going to have to eat it out of you."
My thing is this: Monsters eating people is Okay with me. But another human type being with emotions, whom you have come to know and respect, has to eat his wife's stomach out to save his baby when he has a whole room of knives around him that he could use??????? That doesn't fly!!!
That and the whole 30 minutes or more of the humping and heavy breathing was BEYOND ME.
Later on, when I looked at the title of the movie a little closer I noticed something: Breaking Dawn PART 1.
Okay, did you get that? P-A-R-T.... ONE
I'm like "WHAT THE HECK!? What is up with that? PART ONE???????? Are you serious??"
The whole movie could have been cut down to 20 minutes MAX. Probably not even that. They could have chopped out most of the in-between, and just did the beginning and the very ending of that movie, then they would not have wasted MILLIONS of dollars making a piece of crap only to be followed by another another (possibly better) piece of crap later on! They could have save big bucks by just combining the two!!
It's like this: REALLY, after someone gets married they go on a honey-moon for a reason....the details of the honey-moon do not need to be put up on the big screen!!!
All-in-all, this Twilight movie does not even deserve one star. The beginning of it was okay and the very end was cool, but everything else in between was UNNECESSARY.
Really the only cute thing in this movie was the baby. It was a really cute little baby girl. But by the time Edward chews that baby out of it's momma, everyone in the theater is leaning over their popcorn cup and throwing up. Seriously.
I feel so sorry for you Twilight fans out there because, unless you are just stupid, this movie was a serious let down. I mean, I think everyone in the theater probably lost 20 pounds the following week after watching that disgusting movie.... I almost did... GAG!
So, I know what you are thinking: "Well, idiot, why did you go watch the stupid movie??"
Here is the answer: I went because the last movie (movie 3) left everyone hanging off a cliff somewhat. I also NEVER expected the movie to go down the honey-moon road and to be THAT BAD. I never even thought they would put that in there!
All three of the other movies were clean. Why should this one be any different?
So, if you are a Twilight fan, I extend my deepest condolences to you. If you are a Twilight hater, I just want you to know that I am totally on your side of the field now. If you are one of those people who are in-between, or if you are someone who has not seen Twilight: Breaking Dawn PART 1, then allow me to give you a free piece of excellent advice:
For the love of buttery popcorn that stays in your tummy after a movie,
DO NOT WATCH THE NEW TWILIGHT MOVIE!!!
If you want to go watch a good movie, go watch the new "Sherlock Holmes" movie. Otherwise do yourself a favor: chuck 'Breaking Dawn PART ONE' down the toilet!
Click the link to really get an eye opener.... they aren't fake, and they aren't like Edward Cullen.
No comments:
Post a Comment