Rewrite A Fairy Tale

Rewrite a fairy tale from the bad guy's point of view

Once upon a time… I met this dame. She was easy on the eyes; a lovely completion and glossy hair. She was the prettiest girl around. Her father wasn’t so great. He thought he was some sort of hot shot. In fact, he went so far to prove that theory, that he actually took his beautiful daughter to the king and told the greedy sucker that she could spin straw into gold. Of course the king latched onto it hook-line-and-sinker.

He took the girl into a room full of straw and told her to spin it into gold by dawn, or he would kill her, then he locked the door.

So, the girl sat in there, trying her best to figure out what to do. She actually even tried spinning some of the straw into gold until she broke down and started crying. It broke my heart it did, seeing her cry like that…getting that beautiful necklace around her neck all wet with salty tears.

So I snapped myself in there, with magic of course, and asked her what the gig was. She explained, and then I asked what she would give me if I did her job for her. Oh! She held out that necklace that I had my eye on. I took it, humbly of course, noticing the BEAUTIFUL ring she had on her finger as well, and then I did her job: I turned all that straw into gold.

So the stupid kind comes along at dawn, right after I had just left, and he sees all the gold. He was surprised and very happy…the stupid sucker. Well, he took that beautiful girl to a bigger room filled with more straw, and tells her to turn it into gold by dawn or he would have her killed.

Wow, nice fella, huh? And people think I’M the bad guy here. Sheesh. Okay, I’m getting ahead of myself.

So anyway, the girl sits in there and cries again. Of course, it broke my heart…and I hadn’t forgotten about that ring on her finger.

In I went again. She gave me her ring, and I did her job for her. Nothing to it!

Dawn rolls around and the greedy little sniff of a king comes hopping along and freaks out when he sees all that straw replaced with gold.

You’d think that would be enough right? I mean, this king has two HUGE rooms stuffed with gold now. That’s enough for one guy, right? WRONG.

The king takes the dame to another room that is BIGGER and stuffed with MORE straw. This time though, he tells her that if she turns it into gold by morning, he will marry her.

Oh wow….what a proposal. I am sure the girl was SO impressed.

But anyway, the king locks the door, and the girl just sat there….waiting….for me. No tears. No sniffling. Nothing. She just sat there patiently.

Well, I couldn’t very well disappoint her, could I? So, in I went to help her out. But there was a hitch: she had no more pretty, shiny jewelry to give me.

Well snap….so I made a fair compromise with the poor girl: I make gold now, and if she becomes queen, I get an automatic IOU for her first kid.

Of course she agreed. I mean, it was a very fair trade!

So, I spun all that straw into gold and was barely able to skip out of town before that stupid king came rushing in.

He was beyond joyful to see the gold lining the walls in that massive room. He walked around in a dazed ecstasy for a week afterward because of it.

Anyway, he married the dame and she became queen.

A year later, she has an adorable little baby. I was very anxious to get it and take it home to my wife, so I skipped on over and presented myself to the queen.

What did I get? A horror struck, panic ridden dame bawling her eyes out, begging me not to take her child. She offered me all the treasure in the kingdom, but I refused. After all, this child was worth a lot more than that. But the poor woman carried on so much, I had to do something. My heart was breaking at the sight of her tears. So, I made a deal with her: “I will give you three days, time. If by that time you find out my name, then shall you keep your child.”

Oh….I thought I was so smart. Little did I know how stupid, idiotic, and perfectly chaotic of an idea it was!

Anyway, that dame sent messengers all over the kingdom, finding all the names that they could and piling them into a book. They searched for two days until they could find no more names.

Every morning I came to the queen, and she would read her list of names until well past dinner time.

I knew they would never find out my name. I mean, who has a name like mine??

At the end of the second day, I just KNEW I was going to win. The queen was running out of both time and names, and I was going to be taking that baby home.

So, much to my stupidity, I had a party that night. I danced and sang my heart out all night long, rejoicing in the fact that I had a strange name.

The next morning, the third day, a trotted back into the castle and presented myself to the queen. She seemed rather calm to me, but I figured she had just come to terms with the fact that I was going to take her first child.

She read off a list of names, and I told her that she had already read me those names and she had no more new ones.

“Now, give me what you promised.” I said to her.

“Wait!” said she, and she leaned forward in her throne, looking down at me with a mischievous glimmer in her eyes “Is your name….” She whispered my name slowly, ending it with a question mark, the devilish look of delight brightening in her eyes.

At first, I was shocked. How did she know? And then it clicked when I saw one of the page boys snickering.

“The devil told you that! The devil told you!” I fumed and yelled, stomping my foot. I was so angry!

Well, in the heat of my rage, my magical powers got away from me and opened a hole in the ground. I fell into it and haven’t been seen by human eyes since, but only because I am too disgraced.

Now everyone knows my name. They laugh and snicker and jeer when they hear it, because now everyone knows the name and the story of:

RUMPELSTILTSKIN

The original story - http://www.eastoftheweb.com/short-stories/UBooks/Rum.shtml