Kids Church

~Welcome to Monster Sunday School. You are on the menu.~

That was my thought as I was trying to get the children in 'Kids church' to settle down and focus.

2 days before, the pastor called and asked if we (my mom, sister and I) would be substitutes for the K-4th grade class, because the other Sunday School teachers were going to be 'unavailable'.

'Unavailable' and 'Ran Away' are two different things, and I think the other teachers resorted to the latter. However, if I could have found out who the 'other teachers' were, I would have wrung their necks!

These children were not used to 'learning' anything in Kids church. They were used to coming in, greeting people, then trotting off to 'kids church' to run a muck and do whatever they wanted.

In other words, these children were accustom to glorified babysitting.

"This is so boring!!!"

"Boring? But we haven't even started yet!" I exclaimed as the kids sat down.

"You mean that we have to sit and LEARN??"

"Uh, yeah."

"THIS IS SO BORING!"

"You won't be saying that when I'm done."

"No. I'll be laughing because you will be crying your eyes out!!"

I had to pause... did an 8 year old just seriously say that to me???

Kris (my sister) and I exchanged glances. I could tell what she was thinking: "I am going to run away to the 7th-8th grader class. At least they have the tall, good looking guy with tattoos and big biceps as their teacher!!" (which they seriously did, BTW..... he was a college student.... Hey, at least he's trying. Each of his tattoos probably represent a soul he led to the Lord.)

Well, no matter. As soon as I start using what I learned at Character First, these kids will be glued to me and begging for more.

HAHAHAHA!!! What a JOKE!

Two kids could not stop running laps around the room.

One just rolled around on the floor and sat on the couch giving me the 'go to the devil' look.

Another kept shouting rude remarks.

The rest were perfect.

Seriously, I should have seen the flashing "Mutiny" sign buzzing over their heads the minute we walked into the room.

Needless to say, they never settled down, they never focused, and I didn't bring my check sheet with me to put down a check every time a child misbehaved. (One check: warning. Two checks: time out. Three Checks: I call the parents.)

I should have just stopped as soon as they all declared mutiny and I should have taken them back to the sanctuary to their parents.

If the parents didn't like it, then THEY should try teaching their kids instead of dropping them off for the teacher or, better yet, baby sitter to deal with!!

That's just wrong. It should be against the law. It isn't the kids getting abused in this instance. Its the teacher! Teacher abuse! TEACHER ABUSE! I HAVE MY RIGHTS AS A TEACHER! STOP THE TEACHER ABUSE!!!!!!

And, I'm sorry if this breaks your heart, but Sunday school, Kids Church, whatever you want to call it, is not supposed to be a baby sitting institution.

You send your children to Sunday school to LEARN, and more importantly, to learn how to follow JESUS.

If you want someone to baby sit them while you sit in church, then hire a baby sitter. Otherwise, don't try to make your lazy parenting skills look holy by sending your kids to 'Sunday school'.

Sorry, but not sorry if that insults you. I'm not hearing you say "Sorry" for my having to put up with your routy kids just because you don't want to deal with them yourself!

Don't get me wrong, I like kids. I LOVE kids. Its the parents I have issues with.

If you can't handle your kids, then maybe you should not be dumping them off with a teacher (babysitter). Maybe you should be LEARNING how to be a good parent. You know, take some classes, read some books. ANYTHING TO STOP THE TEACHER ABUSE!!!

Seriously, the teacher abuse has to stop...

If they are your kids, YOU deal with them and work with them until they are ready to sit and learn from a teacher. Otherwise, you are fixing nothing!

And here is another tip for you if you are a parent: As soon as the sermon and closing prayer is over, GO....PICK....UP...YOUR....KIDS.

Do NOT make the teachers wait another 20 minutes for you to show up. That is called 'rude' and 'TEACHER ABUSE'!!

Another tip for you that could save your life: If you have a kid with one of the above listed issues and you left your kid with a babysitter, do not, and I repeat, DO NOT give the baby sitter an attitude. You could end up in the hospital from being mauled.

If the baby sitter is pointing out that your kid(s) aren't behaving properly, you should give it some serious thought since they just spent an hour and 20 minutes with your kid, and you did not.

Believe me, giving the baby sitter an attitude will only get you seriously hurt. Baby sitters are tough. They have to be to put up with your kids. DON'T PUSH YOUR LUCK with a baby sitter.

So, after 'Kids Church' I felt like I had just gotten off the phone with an obnoxious salesman who sold me false advertising labels... and I felt like I had been run through a meat grinder.

I hope some of the kids walked away with something other than my hair and lesson hand outs, because it was almost not worth it.

At the end, only one little girl came up to me and said "I had fun. I hope you come back next week!!"

Usually I am overjoyed to hear a kid say that... but this time, I about ran out the door screaming like a lunatic

"NO! I'M SAVED! REDEEMED! I'M NOT GOING TO HADES!"