My Shanty: Marriage

About a month ago, I was visiting a friend. We were both sitting on her bed, chatting, while she drew a picture of me.

At some point, our conversation went down the path that most unmarried girls conversation's go: marriage.

"I am perfectly happy with the thought of being an old maid." I said.

"Really? I find that quite amazing, because the thought of never getting married scares me to death!" My friend replied.

That comment shocked me, to be honest.

Why should the thought of a single life scare my friend? What was scary about it?

Personally, I find nothing distasteful or frightening about a single life.

I used to believe that it was bad luck if a girl lived her life as an old maid. I used to find the thought of life as an 'old maid' undesirable.

Truth is, it is not something bad, and it is not unpleasant.

While you are a single bachelor(-et) working your way through high school or collage, are you unhappy? Not usually. So why would the life of an 'old maid' be any different?

There are so many things to do while you are single! So many things that you can do while you are single, that you are not as likely to do when you are married.

When you are married, you gain a whole new set of responsibilities; a whole new life.

Think about it.

Your loyalties will lie with your soul mate, and your desires will be under his. He will have his own dreams and visions for your guy's marriage. He will follow God's calling in his life, and you will follow him. He will be your protector and your authority, just as God is his authority. You will be his treasure and you will have to submit to his authority if you want your marriage to last.

(Guys: this doesn't mean that you get to go Scott free! When you get married, you are supposed to care and provide for your wife, and look to her needs.)

Off Note: submission is not a negative thing. In fact, it is a beautiful thing, for with submission there is harmony. (Romans 8:7, Eph. 5:24, James 4:7) if it is a good thing to submit to God (it is considered evil if we do not), and He commands us women to submit to our husbands, then it must be a good thing, right?

When you are single, however, things are different. You have other freedoms that you do not have when you are married. You are under a different authority.

If you have dreams, or plans, or there are things that you would like to do, places you would like to see, the time when you are single is the time to do them.

The Lord has set aside special mission projects for those who are single. They get to go places, and do things that married people often never get to do.

So what if you live to be an 'Old Maid'? What is wrong with that? And if you get married, what a joy and blessing you have received!

The thing is: DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

I have met several 'old maids' that do not regret having never married, because they were "able to live life to its fullest" as one told me. I knew a lady in my hometown who did not get married till she was in her 50's, or beyond! She spent her single days teaching music to young people.

However, I have known a few young, married women that wish they had waited for marriage just a little longer, because they missed out on things that they were not able to do after marriage. Some of them found out the hard way that marriage is not the wonderful little fairy tale it is made out to be. They found that it is a sacrifice you make.

But more than that, I have met a LOT of young un-married girls who waist their time dreaming about marriage.

It IS a waste of time, and it fixes nothing. In fact, it causes damage.

If one is spending their time focused on what they want prince charming to be like, how wonderful it would be to get married, how they want their wedding dress, how they want to be married by a certain age, or if the guy at camp liked them or not, then how is that person going to get anything done that God wants them to do? How are they going to be fully efficient for the Lord? How are they going to focus on their responsibilities at home when they are day dreaming about the life of a married person? How are they going to learn how to make sacrifices in their married life if they cannot sacrifice their time and whole effort for God and family? And how are they going to learn how to make relationships work if they are not focused on making their own relationship with their family members the BEST that it can be??

See what I mean?

The thing is: DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. The worry only makes your life more complicated.

As a friend once told me: "Don't put God in a box"

If God wants you married, He will bring your soul mate to you when He is good and ready to do so. And, believe me, He will surprise you when he does.

And if God does not want you married, why push Him? Why be afraid of it? Use your singleness to serve Him!!

Find what makes you tick, then use that to glorify Him! Believe me, it is no waste of time. It is glorious, and you will NEVER regret having done it.

If you are afraid of being an 'old maid', or find it distasteful, I encourage you to reevaluate your priorities and ask yourself "WHY?".

Why do you not like the idea? I have found that most girls who struggle with this question are actually struggling with God's plan for them. Or they are struggling with the great unknown.

Here is a quote for you: What God does, He does. What He doesn't, He doesn't.

That should be all you need to have to be on your way down the path of "don't worry about it".

If you are worried that you will never get married, I just want to let you know that it will be hard to let go of that worry and give it up to God, but once you have learned to let it go, you feel SO MUCH BETTER. Believe me.

Instead, bring your thoughts into captivity. Focus on finishing your school (if you're in school), hone in on your skills (like writing, cooking, photography, music) and learn how to perfect them, find mission opportunities that you would like to give a swing at, learn your spiritual gifts and find someplace to learn how to use them (might I suggest In The Gap Internship? http://www.inthegap.org/). There are so many things you can do!! Maybe your parents even have an idea or two.

Give your fear up to God right now, and focus your energy on Him.

Learn of the nature of God. Learn what He has given you. Learn how to serve Him. There is nothing to lose, but everything to gain!

2 Timothy 1:7 - For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.